One of the things that we struggle with in relationships is the idea of transactional love. We are a society that seems to believe that you only get something if you give something. We seem to believe that we are only loved when we give love first. We are only cared for when we first care for another. We are only worthy when we first prove our worthiness. The problem with this kind of thinking is that it leaves a hole in our spirit. It leaves us feeling that we lack worthiness. It often leaves people wanting bad for others because they believe that they are experiencing something bad. When we seek turmoil for any other person, we seek turmoil for ourselves.
Peace and joy are ours when we seek peace and joy for other people. When we look at others and want them to be at peace, to be happy, without requiring anything in return. I used to explain this that we lower our expectations of others. I used to say that we should just not anticipate anything from other people. However, I think that is the wrong angle as well. It isn't lowering our expectations. It is, in fact, dropping the need to label or add meaning to what other people are doing. It is loving first and then desiring good for everyone that we meet, work with, live with, or even go to school with. It is losing the transaction and creating the transformation in ourselves.
Today, I will choose to desire peace for others. When I think about people who have "wronged me," I will let go of that label and I will desire good for them. I want peace and joy for others because that is what I want. I am not looking for good for them so that they will be good to me. I am looking for good for them so that there is good for them. I don't require anything in return. I find peace in seeking it for others. I find joy in seeking it for others. What we seek for others is what we find for ourselves. Seek acceptance, not judgement. Seek love, not hate. Seek joy, not fear. Seek peace, not turmoil. Because what you seek, you will definitely find.
Jody N Holland
Jody is a writer, motivational speaker, consultant, and entrepreneur. He has been the keynote speaker at over 250 events around the world. Jody speaks more than 150 times per year at different programs, and he has given more than 10,000 speeches during his career.