How to Handle Feedback You Didn’t Ask For

There will be times when someone gives you feedback that you didn’t ask for or want. It is easy to become frustrated when this happens, especially when they notice something that you didn’t. However, feedback is essential to improvement, and the reason someone may not feel receptive to it is because they don’t always know what the other person’s intentions are in giving the feedback.

Are they truly trying to help you improve? Do they want to make you aware of something that you may not have realized? Were they asked by someone else to share their insights? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, they are trying to be helpful, not hurtful. It is easy to become defensive when someone provides feedback because we feel protective of our work, our self-image, and of how we are perceived by others.

Although it may not feel good to receive feedback, most of the time the other person means well. Moreover, if their intentions are negative, such as trying to embarrass you in front of others or degrading your work to make themselves look better, then it is not truly feedback; it’s criticism. Feedback is meant to be constructive, which means it is about helping the other person grow and improve, whereas criticism is about blaming the individual or tearing them down.

When receiving feedback from someone, you may want to consider if they have the authority to provide feedback because that could determine if you make the recommended adjustments. While someone may be offering their insights because they are trying to be helpful, if they do not have the authority to do so and you make a change without first consulting with your supervisor, then this could create an issue. You want to ensure that you are focusing on improvement while still following the directions given to you. On the other side of that, if it is your supervisor providing feedback, then it is imperative that you do implement whatever changes they suggest.

As a leader, if someone on your team is providing feedback to you, it is important to be open and receptive to hearing what they have to say. Even if you do not agree with them or make a change based on their feedback, you want your team to feel comfortable enough to address things with you. If you immediately dismiss them and their concerns, you will destroy their trust in you. Whether you do or do not implement their feedback, you should try to communicate with them about the decision if possible.

When you receive feedback that you were not expecting and do not necessarily appreciate, remove yourself from the equation and evaluate if the feedback is sound. This helps eliminate some of the defensiveness you may experience and allows you to see things a bit more objectively. Most people truly are just trying to help, and they may not realize that their feedback is not going to be taken well, so try not to hold that against them and instead make an informed decision moving forward about whether to heed their advice. Feedback can be invaluable. We just have to be willing to listen.

-Meghan Slaughter