Sometimes Winning is Losing

Congratulations! You have won the argument… but at what cost? Now your coworker won’t speak to you, and tensions are high within your team. You didn’t agree with your coworker’s perspective, but now you have lost their trust and your other coworkers are avoiding you. What could you have done differently?

When a conflict arises, you should not think of it as you against them. Instead, you should think of the conflict as you and the other person working through your differences to come to a resolution together. This applies to everyone, regardless of position within the organization. It is also better to address the conflict quickly rather than letting it fester or avoiding it all together. Otherwise, you both lose because you cannot solve the problem if you are not willing to address it head-on.

That being said, dealing with conflict is not about winning. In fact, if your goal is to win the argument, you’re going to lose the battle. You have to ask yourself if being right is worth the potential harm it may cause. This does not mean that you cannot state your opinion, but it does mean that you should be willing to listen to the other person’s side and take it into consideration.

The ideal course of action when dealing with conflict is to come up with a solution in which both parties are happy. If that is not possible, then you may have to compromise something in order for you both to win some, even if it means you both lose some. Stop trying to compete with the other person, and instead collaborate with them so that you both agree on a solution. This is the healthiest way to move forward from conflict.

Although it can be a nuisance, conflict is actually good for the team. It teaches people to communicate what they think and feel, practice active listening, build resilience, and develop their problem solving skills. You do not want your team to cave to the loudest voice in the room, even if that voice is yours. You want people who can think independently and work through their differences as they arise. The next time you’re dealing with conflict, ask yourself, “Do you want to win? Or do you want to solve the problem?”

-Meghan Slaughter